Heo Cwaeth: March 2008

Hello folks!

I know the long, infrequent blog-post with an opening apologia for the lack of blogging and commenting, and otherwise allowing the world at large to know that I yet live has become a bit of a cliché about the place. Yet I am loath to promise to do better, because I know how very lazy I am. And so here we are. If it helps, I promise I have been reading your blogs (those who have them), and wondering at your dedication.

Anyway, the R.B.O.C. which explains the post:

Two months or so ago, I went to the doctor with a mild illness. My BP was, as it had been every time it'd been taken since I was 18 years old, 120/70. Perfect!

Two weeks ago, I went to the doctor with another mild illness. This time my BP was, much to the consternation of everyone in the room, 230/128. Less than perfect.

There ensued many questions, the visible blanching of medical personnel, and the shouting of acronyms which would have been somewhat alarming had I not understood them. Since I did understand them, I was temporarily convinced that I was already dead, but for the paperwork. (Doctors never ask what jobs you used to have, just the job you have now. No reason for an English teacher to comprehend all that jargon.)

Since then I have been magnetized and polarized, and probably digitized as well. Seems as if everything is normal, except for the whole nearly-dead level BP.

So now I have to take pills which give me side effects which mimic what I should have been feeling with the Crazy BP, but bring me back to a normal pressure. Ironic, no? And there is more -izing to follow, which I hope will answer the question that is pinging around my brain; i.e., "WTF?!"

Temper tantrums about quitting smoking, and changing my diet and incorporating exercise only to THEN develop hypertension seem ill-advised at the moment. Which is not to say these tantrums haven't happened, they're just shorter than they would otherwise be.

Anyway, "show me a reason and I'll soon show you a rhyme" or whatever. That is to say that I need a plan rather than a reaction.

Thus, I have devised a new health plan I am calling "triple-yogh days." Because I need unity and completeness and nerditude right now.

Yogh the first: Actual yoghs. Other people have their habits that get them through the weird times. Most of those habits -- like alcohol, gambling, and random sex with strangers -- raise the blood pressure. Fortunately for me, I have the decoding of archaic and arcane language. Which is a blast and a half, and does not raise the blood pressure. Yay!!

Today I'm working on this from the Boke of Nurture:

Cast vinegre & powder þeron / furst fette þe bonus þem fro.
Crabbe is a slutt / to kerve / & a wrawd wight;
breke euery Clawe / a sondur / for þat is his ryght:
In þe brode shelle putt youre stuff / but furst haue a sight
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þat it be clene from skyn / & senow / or ye begyn to dight.
And what ye haue piked / þe stuff owt of euery shelle
with þe poynt of youre knyff, loke ye temper hit welle,
put vinegre / þerto, verdjus, or ayselle, 596
Cast þer-on powdur, the bettur it wille smelle.
Send þe Crabbe to þe kychyn / þere for to hete,
agayn hit facche to þy souerayne sittynge at mete;
breke þe clawes of þe crabbe / þe smalle & þe grete,
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In a disch þem ye lay / if hit like your souerayne to ete.
Crevise* / þus wise ye must them dight:
Departe the crevise a-sondire euyn to youre sight,
Slytt þe bely of the hyndur part / & so do ye right,
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and alle hoole take owt þe fische, like as y yow behight.

I'm kind of stuck on "Crabbe is a slutt." How funny is that? It must mean something else, despite context clues, but it's fun for now.

Yogh the Second: Yoghurt. Don't fuss about the spelling now; it's about to get worse. Anyway, I may have a diet that is lacking in all the -iums: calcium, potassium, and magnesium. Yogurt provides 2/3 of that triad, and comes with yummy blueberries if you shop well. So, a heart-healthy diet doesn't have to be complete torture. Yay!

Yogh the Third: Yog(h)a. Because I am no longer allowed to exercise as I have been. And I do need to exercise, because I need energy. And you need to spend energy to make energy. I also apparently need to calm the hell down. So, exercise that is reputed to calm one the hell down = yoga. But I will say that yoga does hurt in a way that belies the soft voice of the instructor. Qualified yay.

And, in the service of calming the hell down, whenever one of my challenging wanna-be students makes me want to quit teaching and buy a soy farm, I hum this to myself:

Ben Vereen makes everything better.