Saturday, November 12, 2005

Random Advice: With No Expectation of its Reaching its Target.

Putting my two cents in, in the vaguest possible way:

Sometimes it's very hard to let go of an insult, or what you perceive to be an insult. I've been there. I've even caused gigantic scenes about my insult, triumphantly informing others of the slight against me, and trying to woo them over to my side of a debate which was raging only for me. I've made myself childish, too. The temptation to revel in one's injured pride and 'obvious moral superiority' to one's opponent is great. However, I've also paid the price for that behavior, and it was high. Nevermind that what I thought my pride demanded of me resulted in more damage to the respect others had for me, and my self-respect than simply saying "Geez, I hate it when people do that" and then walking away would have done. Nevermind that my pride still wouldn't allow me to drop it and walk away after I knew the whole drama was an exercise in pointlessness. "Dammit! I'm tired of being 'the better man,' and I won't do it this time" was my mantra. The real issue, the one that will continue to be with you when that intoxicating, invigorating feeling of righteous indignation leaves, is this: the knowledge that the better part of the problem, the part that began when you decided to make a personal crusade of your injury, was your fault. You directed your energy toward this slight. You let it take over your brain and define who you are. The only one you changed in the process was you, not for the better. And it wasn't worth it.

3 comments:

Chloe said...

I guess that's why walking off is the best way... Not because it's the "high road" in the sense it makes you a better person... But because it's more sensible for yourself... It not only gives the statement - I will not tolerate this - but saves you from getting mixed up in a debacle.
There's no arguing with an insult anyway, when it comes down to it.

HeoCwaeth said...

Chloe,
Welcome. :-)

"There's no arguing with an insult anyway, when it comes down to it."

I completely agree. I did have to learn the hard way that neither the "dammit you WILL like me" nor the "Fine! I think you're a jerk too" approach works. What can I say? I'm slow on the uptake.

HeoCwaeth said...

er... approaches work. Geez!