Saturday, November 25, 2006

A Pretty Dream

... to get me through the paper-writing/presenting/editing/grading season.

This May, I drop off the last of my paperwork at the department and administrative offices, luggage in hand. From campus, I take some form of public transport to the nearest city that counts as an actual, you know, city. From there, I catch a plane to a major European city, where I have rented a furnished apartment for the next month or two. I drop off my luggage, go to the local grocery store and try my hand at buying things that are exotic, but aren't too foreign to the American palate (trying to avoid the ick factor here). I then go to the bakery and vintner and buy EVERYTHING I can carry. I read only popular literature for the duration of my stay, and call it scholarship because it's in a foreign language. I flirt outrageously with well-built morons, because 1)who cares if they're interesting when you don't know what the hell they're saying? and 2)a lady may do anything she pleases and remain a lady, provided she doesn't get caught.

1-2 months of fat, drunk, and stupid to follow.

10 comments:

medieval woman said...

sounds fabulous! If you need a maid or a chore-elf, lemme know....

HeoCwaeth said...

Medieval Woman,
That's a fine idea. Provided the Dutchman isn't so much of a prude (Ha. That was fun to type) that he'll start yelling at me for contributing to your delinquency, I say come along. I don't mean to suggest you need spousal permission, but I hate being yelled at in Dutch. Maybe, if the Dutchman is the prudish type (still fun to type), we could come up with a respectable-sounding lie. Hell, there's bound to be a medieval cathedral with a library about somewhere.

medieval woman said...

Hee, hee - yelled at in Dutch! :) There's an awful lot of phlegm that could potentially be involved with that, so I don't blame you for not wanting to insight a Dutchman to yell. It's those gutteral "g's"...but he can definitely play the "research" card if anyone should ask! He is the most accepting of all Dutchman, and that's saying something...

So, I would fill the job of "chore-elf" nicely, just let me know what your livery is (hopefully it involves sweat pants and t-shirts), your hours (2-3 in the afternoon?) and my rate of pay (fresh bread and 'aqua vite'??).

Seriously, it sounds like an awesome idea to flee the academic scene and unplug from the grind for a month or so. Go you!

Kicki said...

I want to come too! I can teach you some great insults in Old Irish and talk about peeing princesses and whilst you're flirting with the good looking doorman, I'll bake a saffron cake with cloudberry jam and walnut breat with goats cheese. My only demand is that this place be somewhere with some daylight, at present, the sun sets here at three. That's not Ok. people!
Love, Kicki

HeoCwaeth said...

Woo-hoo! A chore-elf with recipes and a cook with great stories! This is looking like the best vacation evah!

HeoCwaeth said...

BTW, sorry about the sunlight, Kicki.

Anonymous said...

OMG, I want to come along too! I'm a whiz with magicking laundry away, and I can get along passably in a few of the European tongues, so can shoo away the more ardent men who will be mobbing your fabulous holiday-self or, alternately, get you into lots of fun trouble. I'm also certified at keeping secrets (Mum's the word, lvl 4 pink belt) so your ladyship would never be questioned :)

HeoCwaeth said...

Woo-hoo. And we add a laundry wizard to the mix!

Anniina,
We *are* going to need you to promise not to translate any of the off-puttingly stupid things anybody might say during the flirt-a-thons.

Anonymous said...

Off-putting things will be ignored to the best of our abilities. The lovelies may as well be singing, "Well I never did learn how to read or write, but I learned about love in the plain moonlight" - long as it's sung with an exotic accent, to the rippling of washboard abs (the washboard abs will come in handy with the laundry :P)

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